I like to think of myself as a person fairly securely plugged into geek culture. I watch lots of clever TV featuring robots and monsters, I read fantasy books that look like doorstops, I’m way into video games and collectibles, and I generally identify myself as a geek. Occasionally, though, there are facets of this culture that I just don’t get.

What’s the deal with mustaches and bacon, folks?

Aside from my eyebrows, I sport no hair on my face (or, more recently, on my head), but I have a healthy respect for guys who do grow out their facial hair. But when and why did it become the geek chic thing to do? Seemingly out of nowhere, I’m seeing companies running Mustache Monday promotions or Mustache March contests like the one Sideshow Collectibles ran, in which their customers attached or Photoshopped fake mustaches onto their action figures. Otherwise modern-looking people suddenly are growing ginormous retro-staches or, even worse, creepy ’70s lip caterpillars. Girls are drawing or tattooing mustaches onto their fingers to hold under their noses. Nary a day goes by that I don’t see someone new on Twitter wearing a fake mustache in their profile picture. What started all this mustachery? I feel like I missed something essential and just don’t get it now. Hercule Poirot and Thomas Magnum are awesome, but not just everybody can pull it off.

Is the mustache fad borne of irony? Is it linked in some way to hipsterism? I feel totally out of the loop on this one, but it’s even worse with the bacon stuff. When and how did bacon become a geek staple food / mascot / deity?

Granted, I am a vegetarian, so bacon is a lot farther down my dietary totem pole than it might be for a lot of others. But even when I ate meat, bacon always took a backseat to sausage patties as my breakfast meat of choice. And ignoring my own personal eating habits and preferences of the past, the fact that geek culture has latched onto bacon befuddles me because geeks are supposed to be smart folks. Did everybody miss the memo about stuff like bacon being really terribly horribly bad for you? Or is that part of the point, and it’s again just an ironic thing?

I seriously want to know where all this bacon love and bacon focus came from. Companies are making plush toys shaped like bacon now, along with bacon wrapping paper, bacon underwear, and just about anything else bacon you could imagine. And the internet has no shortage of bizarre and disgusting bacon recipes these days, ranging from bacon candy to bacon cereal.

I am so confused.

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